Tuesday night I had a date with a woman I know from work. I had lunch with her and a couple of other friends a couple weeks ago and enjoyed her company so I asked her out for drinks after work and she said yes. I spent the majority of last weekend anxiously anticipating our date.
We are at the pub and things are going well. She's laughing at my jokes and seems very interested, even leaning in a bit. Then in the middle of our conversation she passively mentions her boyfriend back home in SE Michigan. It was one of the few moments where I wasn't sure exactly how to respond. After I made some witty comment I decided to simply gloss over her revelation and the rest of the evening was very nice. Afterwards though, I began to wonder what happened.
After my date, I told a couple people about my evening because I wasn't completely sure what had transpired. Did she not realize that it was a date? Was her mentioning a boyfriend a signal that she wasn't interested? Did she feel guilty about being on a date so she had to at least mention him? Most of the people I asked had no answers and only laughed at my expense. One friend of mine, upon learning of my dilemma, went back to her office to discuss it with her colleagues. They came to the conclusion that I should not write the relationship off just yet and that she was probably going through tough times with her boyfriend and testing the waters with me. One can only hope.
My instinct is to ask her out again and put the ball in her court. I do really enjoy her company and it's not like she's married. But then again, I don't want to be the "other guy". Besides my instincts are hardly ever correct when it comes to dating. Any advice?
6 comments:
Is she worth pursuing?
It's your decision.
You get burned until you get married anyway.
Well there is this old motto: "Just because there's a goalie in the net doesn't mean you can't score."
Guess you can look at it a bunch of different ways including the idea she has another guy on the line but is still willing to hang out with you could mean if you did date her she would treat you the same way.
Another way to look at it is it's a good excuse to avoid mowing the lawn. If that's your objective then by all means expend the time and money.
The way to clear up if she thought it was a date is who paid. If she offered she didn't necessarily see it as a date. If you guys went Dutch it wasn't a date.
No matter what you decide watch your back.
alright, time for a girl to chime in...
first of all, isn't there a Seinfeld episode exactly like this??
but i say, ask her straight up. Something like... "you mentioned a boyfriend, and I'm wondering how serious that relationship is to you..."
if she's anything worth pursuing, she'll be honest with you.
Or she'll end up inviting you to a lovely wedding.
I say ask her out again & ask her about the boyfriend too!
How about asking her about the comment before you ask her out again. Let me demonstrate.
"Hi (insert name), this if Jeff. I had a very nice time the other night and would like to do it again. But before we do go out for a second DATE, I was curious if you could clarify a comment you made on our last DATE. Do you have a boyfriend, and if so, what are your intentions in going out with me?
I surely would not waste another dollar or another minute in this girl unless and until you have this situation understood. Life is too short and money too hard to come by to be played like a fiddle in Pa Ingalls House on the Prairie.
Only my opinion.
this might be late as it's coming 2 weeks later but i'd say "put it in court"...you've got nothing to lose whether it was a date or not i don't think she has to admit that at this point. if you asked me to go out for drinks, i'd make you pay too...jk...seriously though, if you went on 3 or 4 "dates" then i think that'd be a better time to talk about her boyfriend, which would basically be a DTR talk for you guys. why do a DTR after hanging out 1 time?
hey... i thought you said you didn't date girls from work jeff??
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