Interfaith Dating

The issue of dating someone who does not share your Christian faith continues to pop up both in my own life and in the lives of my friends.

Just recently I met a woman that lives in Grand Rapids. She is attractive, smart, funny and just the type of woman I am interested in. But she isn't a Christian. We had a couple of dates and I asked about her experiences with the church and they were not positive. (The awful way her church acted needs a post entirely on its own.)

After that discussion it became clear that even though there was chemistry between us, the relationship was not going to work because we had differing world views. She did not feel comfortable dating someone so Christian and I did not feel like I could commit to someone who didn't understand the importance that my faith plays in my life.

This experience makes it both easier and more difficult for me to understand how easily other Christians can date non Christians. I know how hard it is to find someone you click with, someone who is date worthy and that actually finds you date worthy as well. And when you find somebody you enjoy spending time with and who makes you feel good, it is easy to ignore the differences you have.

Having said that, my Christianity defines me and there is no way that a non Christian would ever be able to understand me without sharing a similar frame of reference. It isn't just about not sharing the same religious view but it's more about not being able to share my entire self with that person.

It can also be very tempting to start putting my dating relationship ahead of my faith because that person is real and tangible and sometimes Jesus seems a little distant and mysterious. I don't ever want to walk down that road too far. I have seen way too many friends of mine follow that path and their Christian faith is almost always mired in mediocrity.

Another lesson I am learning from observation is that it is better to get out too quick instead of too late. I only had a couple of dates and therefore didn't really have much invested emotionally. A friend of mine on the other hand has a much harder time. She is a Christian who has been involved with a non christian for a long time. They were even talking about getting married. Instead, they are now in the process of splitting up because of their differing religious views. While I support her decision, it is messy and not easy on either one of them. In fact, her relationship with him will most likely make it that much more difficult for him to accept the truth about Jesus as he will always blame her Christianity for ending their relationship.

The idea of not being in a relationship with someone just because of a different faith can seem restricting. It appears to limit our options as Christians and trust me the options are limited enough already at this age. But the reality is that I think only dating people of similar faiths is a protective measure. It protects our faith from being dragged down and it also protects our heart from having to choose between our romantic interests and the religious core of our identity.