This weekend I was able to go down to Kentucky and visit my stepsisters and catch a Reds-Pirates game. It was a fun weekend and I really enjoy both Kelly and Tina's company. But as I was there, I noticed a little tension between Kelly and her husband John. John is a good guy but he seems to put his interests before his family's and while Kelly handles it quite well, the rest of our family gets a little annoyed by it. Later in the weekend, Kelly admitted that she doesn't really have any other close friends and it's basically just John that she depends on. I wish he realized just how much she counts on him.
Two weekends ago, I found out that my brother and his wife are getting a divorce. I feel sick about it and can tell it's just killing him inside. His eyes have this incredible sadness and I wish that I could help him understand that getting a divorce does not make any less of a man. He doesn't need to be married to be loved and appreciated. Unfortunately, he has always put a lot of hope and faith in women's acceptance but I am praying that he can use this time to start fresh and find his own way before he settles down with another woman.
I just got a call from a girlfriend of mine who can't make up her mind about the guy she is dating. They fight and break up and get back together over and over again. It would be obvious to any stranger that their relationship is not the healthiest. I have another girlfriend that knows she should break up with her boyfriend but doesn't want to let go because she has already invested so much time into the relationship and thinks he might really change this time.
Both of these friends are smart, self-assured, attractive women that could easily go out with any number of men. So why are they still in these less than perfect relationships?
I realize the importance of love and romantic relationships but it seems like for each good healthy relationship there are dozens of unhealthy ones that either end in divorce or long term stress and bitterness. Is this really what I am missing out by being a single person in my thirties? I want to experience a healthy romance but the relational carnage scares me away.
It just strikes me as ironic that in a society where marriage and dating are so prevalent and encouraged that so many of them don't seem to bring the joy and happiness that is promised.
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2 comments:
I think our problems with women lie in the facts that we don't treat them like dirt and we don't have the ability to sweet talk them
In the wake of divorce (and families who should have divorced vs. abuse one another for years), I think that many Gen-Xers/Millenials are walking around with HUGE, HUGE blind spots in relational intelligence. No, or poor modeling has set up generation after generation for failure. I believe that, apart from God's redemption, people pretty much date and marry for the wrong reasons. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't start things out on the basis of love and romance, but somewhere along the way the masks comes down and then you wonder what to do. I believe scripture calls us to self-honesty, introspection, relational intelligence, relationships that exist in the context of godly community (for accountability and modeling), and redemption. Real relaitonships entail work and humility to prosper. Totally counter-cultural and counter-intuitive.
And why do smart girls stick with stupid relationthips? Just because you're smart doesn't mean you know why you do what you do. Somewhere along the way it is meeting a big need, whether its to not be alone or not feel undesirable, etc.
I don't know why you're still single. I say this in all seriousness. You are a gem, friend, and I'd love to have you marry one of my friends so I could enjoy seeing you loving marriage.
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