Yesterday I went to the Ash Wednesday service at the catholic church in downtown Lansing. It was packed. When I mentioned how crowded it was to my friend he wittingly replied that there are a lot of sinners. The homily was very good. It was about rendering our heart to God and what motivates us during lent. That this was more than just a time to sacrifice something but it was a time to reflect on our sin and to recommit to the Gospel.
As the service wore on I realized that I wasn't really in a penitent mood. I was more interested in trying to keep up with the liturgy or looking around to see who I knew. It was wasn't until a little girl behind me started crying bitterly that it sunk in as to why I was there. Her cry full of anguish seemed like the only fitting response to acknowledging the sin in our lives.
By contrast, I was simply going through the motions not really taking into account how much my sin has angered and disappointed God. If I knew just how offensive it was I would sob uncontrollably just like the girl behind me. Unfortunately, I have learned to make excuses for sin and have justified it to myself and to others and made it seem like no big deal. This lent season I am hoping to recapture just what it cost to have Christ go to the cross for me.
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Hey Jeff, I got the link to your blog from my father-in-law, Wes Thorp. Interesting post. Its always a daunting task presenting our bodies before the cross of Christ.
I remember so profs in college that taught us to feel empowered in our sins forgiven and focus on what Christ will do through us. Other people of faith, Martin Luther for one, taught the continued realization of our depravity and need for Christ. Its so hard for me to find the balance between victory in Jesus and remembering our sins. I am sure its an element of both.
I will say that I wish, like you posted, I felt more sadness for how I hurt God with my sins and how much he really paid to make them clean. Good post, Jeff. I look forward to hearing more from you!
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