This has a been a tough week for my family and unfortunately, I feel completely helpless to do anything about it.
My nephews Jacob and David have been thrown out of the house by my brother. And while I sometimes give them the benefit of the doubt, this time he was totally justified. They are both heavily involved with drugs and have become completely disrespectful of all authority and particular of their Dad. This scenario has been building for some time and it's been hard to watch and know that there was nothing I could do stop it.
Being an Uncle is one of the most rewarding things in my life. Some of my best memories are with Jacob and David. I love my nephews deeply but, because of their behavior, It is increasingly difficult to be around them. They used to be sweet, innocent boys but that has all been stripped away by drugs and uncontrollable anger. I have tried talking to each of them separately hoping to instill some perspective on the decisions they are making and also to give them a positive role model. But lately, it just falls on deaf ears and they blame everybody else but themselves.
I know that their lives have not been the easiest. Their parents got divorced and then both got remarried. Their Dad can be angry and distant at times. I get that, but it's still no excuse for their behavior. What I don't think they realize is that the bad choices they make don't only impact themselves but the rest of the people who love them. My Mom cries herself to sleep because she feels like she has lost them. My brother is an emotional wreck because of what's happening. My relationship with them has soured over the past year because of their choices. And while they might not care about that, I certainly do.
This should have been a fun year. Jacob is a senior and I should be taking him on college tours together dreaming about his future. David is just about to get his drivers license and I want to see him drive away by himself for the first time as he experiences some independence. But instead, they are wasting away in a culture of drugs and rebellion.
The ironic part is that while they want to be treated like adults they don't want to take any responsibility for their actions. They don't realize that adulthood is 90 percent responsibility and only 10 percent freedom. Instead, they think being kicked out of the house is going to give them freedom to do whatever they want. I hope this experience will be a wake up call but I don't know that they have really hit rock bottom yet. It's incredibly frustrating and sad to watch their fall, but in the end it is necessary so they can finally seek out the help they need.
4 comments:
I know this is probably a hard time with the family, but my best advice can be to just make sure that you are there to help your nephews when they need you. At some point, they're going to realize they need their family. Adolescence is hard enough, but throwing drugs into the mix makes it even harder. Good luck - I'm sure I'll see you this week!
Jeff this is hard to hear, I will pray for them and your family.
It's been a while since I have see either of them but my memories go back to first chasing girls and being so in love with God. I am sure this is hard for all of you, again I will keep you in my prayers.
Jeff, I'll keep your family and especially your nephews in my prayers.
As the mother of Jacob and David, I have to say that what has been written here is entirely untrue. The distance they have been displaying to members of that side of the family is due to comments like this, and for not being believed when the say that the problem is not them it is their father. I believe you failed to mention that their father is already engaged to his third wife that he met on the internet before the ink was even dry on the second failed marriage--anybody else see a pattern here? He is never around to supervise them and I receive calls from them on a regular basis because they don't have any food in the house. I have spent alot of time with them trying to get them through this and to understand that this is not their issue, but their fathers, and until he figures out just exactly what that issue is he will never change. Both boys just re-dedicated their lives to Christ, because they realize that He is the only One that can fix this, and because they both know--There aint no High like the Most High!!
Thanks,
Jackie
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